Mallika Shaking Some Boo-tay!
Check out the full song of Mayya Mayya from Guru:
…But I Didn’t Order The Whopper!
Alcohol and me are not a very good combination. I decided, as an experience, to find out why everyone likes getting so drunk and smashed. And so I did.
A few shots of vodka and orange juice later, I kept telling F to stop shaking the room and proceeded to try a lopsided version of the waltz (or was it the tango?). That was followed up by wearing my clothes the wrong way around (superman fashion) and then proceeding to have problems breathing and then puking twice (thankfully into a barf bag). In between these events I may have said some extremely embarrassing things which I’m thankfully ignorant of. And I have one heck of a whopping headache right now. I sure don’t understand why people like getting drunk. I don’t find not being able to breathe, puking and acting like a total jackass as anything close to pleasant.
Thank goodness F was there. He took care of me. Although I’m worried that I have now lost all hope of having him fall for me after last night. PPIFF is in full swing now but I’m not sure if I’ll be of any use in today’s meeting as I probably have killed a lot of my brain cells yesterday and will not make any sense today at 4. Bleckh.
We Did It!
This weekend has been a milestone weekend for me. I had my official convocation yesterday and it felt so good. I’m finally an undergraduate and the first grandchild from my mom’s side to do so. Nanu was soooo happy. I will miss the courses and the professors, but in all reality, I won’t miss university life all that much. I’m just waiting to start work. If I get a job that is….
F and I have a weird and perhaps different relationship. It’s all good so far and I like being with him. But I don’t really want to get too attached to him. I don’t want to end up facing the whole ‘getting married to someone else because even though I love you, I love my mom more’. I’m not going to face that a third time. Initially, I thought that so what if guy #1 turned out to be a jerk? That doesn’t mean the second guy will be just as spineless. But I was wrong too. And now I don’t want to make the same mistake thrice. I’m not going to stick in the relationship hoping the guy will actually stand up for me and decide I’m the one for him. Besides, I’ve figured out that if the guy really wanted/wants me, he wouldn’t need me hoping or telling him to stick up for me. He’d do it on his own. And those type of men just don’t exist. At least not in my world.
I met Xex on Thursday and invited him for dinner. I can’t believe he can still have some effect on me. I mean not like before. But it did make me take deep breaths in between to calm myself. I think when we were alone later, we had cleared things out a little. But things have changed for sure. At least I didn’t cry in front of him or later. I just didn’t feel like it. Not one tiny itty bit. Which is perhaps a good thing.
KBC Intro – Kar Le Tu Ek Sawal (Ask One Question)
Here’s the intro for Kaun Banega Crorepati, the Indian version of Who Want’s To Be A Millionaire, starring non other than Shah Rukh Khan:
For the uninitiated, I had earlier shown a teaser for the show with had this adorable little kid asking the damndest things like (to the electric power plant guy) ‘What happens if I pull this lever down?’ or (to the elevator guy who had just farted) ‘*sniff* Radish-stuffed Bread?’. I think the kid is soooooo cute.
Hey Big Spender…
Tomorrow is the start of the weekend long graduation ceremony. And even though I know I’m done and gotten out of the place, I don’t think it really has sunken in. Maybe once I start the process I’ll really feel like I’m graduating.
On the other hand I thought I’d shop for some much needed shoes today, considering my 2-3 pairs of dailies are on their last soles (bad pun indeed). But what did I buy instead? Erm, a pair of jeans (ok, I needed a pair of that too) and some red and black lingerie…again. Some girls have this thing for shoes, or jewelry. But I can’t seem to get enough of undergarments. Every time my eye spots something that feels yummy and looks sexy, I can’t help myself. Funny thing is it’s not like I have anyone to show ‘em off to or strut it off. Well, maybe except F. But naa…I just think I like walking around all day knowing that underneath all this flab is this sex kitten dying to pop out and pounce. errrr…..never mind the last comment.
Also found out one of my friends may indeed be a schizo. Not a very comforting thought. For the sake of protecting identity, I’m not going to go into too much detail, but I feel duped and that makes me feel less than sympathetic towards her.
I have a cool surprise planned for V-day for F. His very own private performance of cabaret….starring (drum roll)……moi. Yes, I will try to squeeze myself into something show-girlish and perform to jazzy tunes such as ‘Hey Big Spender’, ‘Hanky Panky’ and ‘When you’re Good To Mama’. Complete with a feather boa and silly frills and fishnet stockings.
Still no luck on the job front but applied online to Emirates. Cross my fingers and toes and see what happens. Still hoping I can get to work somewhere in radio or TV.
F is trying to learn the guitar. Initially, he sounded like someone who was brutally molesting the guitar strings. But he really wants to learn so has been practicing a bit every day. Now he just sounds faintly like two cats having a fight. But soon he will advance to actually carry a tune 
. I think my V-day gift to him should be a how-to-play-guitar book.
Can’t wait to see all my professors from uni once uni is up and running. Suzie, Tommy, Lynchie….hmmm, alright even seeing KB would be interesting. And Anna Marie and Herman. And all the PPIFF people. Speaking of which, I need to get reference letters for my FTII application too.
I want to think of something thought-provoking, but nothing seems to pop in my head at the moment except what do I wear tomorrow and whether I should curl or straighten my hair. And whether I wear the black skirt..or the other black skirt. I should sleep now.
Happy Butt-day Xex
Happy birthday Xex. I wish I could be there but I know it’s better if I don’t go today. I don’t think I can handle it. I can’t. So my wishes are with you…always.
Shilpa Shetty in Celebrity Big Brother 2007 – News Stories
Some news stories from different channels and sources discussing the recent racism row between British house mates and Indian actress Shilpa Shetty in Celebrity Big Brother UK 5:
I shall discuss this in more detail later, but just watching most of the clipping I’m amazed by how ignorant and stupid people can get and how media can really have a field day on such ignorance.
Salami Ishq: The New Sandwich of Life
Had a job offer today. As an editor. They made me an offer…well, that I can actually refuse. Still negotiating so will keep you updated on that.
Hmmm…Xex called me after a long time. How is it that I can live two different lives around him? One is the facade that everything is hunky-dory and I’m so over him and cool. The other is this sick sensation at the pit of my stomach when I see a thumbnail of his wedding picture. Anyway, he called because his b’day is coming up on Sat, the 20th. I have no idea what to get him. Because Mr. I’m-So-Mysterious-And-I-Get-What-I-Want-And-Every-Gift-Has-Meaning has made it difficult for me to figure out what would be appropriate to get for him. I mean I know whatever I do around him, I will somehow manage to bungle it up. I always do. It’s like this weird astral plane of invisible forces cause me to warp and screw up every time I’m around him.
As for my supposed love life (or lack of), F and I had a chat before he came back. FYI, I didn’t pick him up from the airport since his roomie/boss/partner had to submit his visa and so is picking him up. Anyway, back to the point about F and I chatting. I asked him straight up what he felt about me and him, and his answer well…it did disappoint me. Bugger. It’s early days yet so I’m winging it. But the minute I fall for him and he still hasn’t recovered his backbone…well, things won’t be so pleasant. And that’s when I’m calling it quits. I’m not doing the Xex/Suhail crap again. I should now name my nightmare love life the “Xex-ail” incident. Not bad.
I know I’m not treating AB well. He deserves alot more than I can give him. It’s just that despite him being this filthy rich bugger, not-bad-to-look-at (but not drop dead drool-worthy either), stable, responsible and very keen on marrying me, I find it hard to feel well…passionate about him. Something about him just makes me want to….gag really. I know many people would say I’m crazy, but my gut generally is of the unorthodox nature. I know by now that I am a horrible woman.
That aside, I need to start making demos for radio. I need to kick my ass into getting into a routine and begin the CV-printing and demo-making process. I can’t believe I wasted so many days doing absolutely nothing. Just sleeping and reading…and eating. Which reminds me, I’m back on my water and ciggs diet. And one hour walking. Which so far went bust in a day or two ‘cos Nanu is a very smooth talker and manages to make me have dinner…And there goes all those calories back in me again. *sigh*
I need to get a job soon. Otherwise I’ll never hear the end of it from Dad.
Tainted Love…
I feel stupid. And humiliated. Now that I look back at what happened between Xex and me, I am angered and shamed at my own folly. I was so sure of myself, I ACTUALLY believed that he could love me. Who am I kidding?? I was just a stand-in till he got what he really wanted. And he got what he wanted. And who got left out? Me. Foolish me. Foolish me who now not only has to get over someone who doesn’t give a damn about me, but now has to deal with my own shame and humiliation. Worse, who still in a small part of her heart wishes she was still right and the he still loved her. Or at least was extremely sorry for whatever happened. But come on now, his happiness is what’s really making you mad isn’t it? That somehow his happiness has come from sucking out your own. That he is now happy whereas you are left to deal with the mess that is now left of your own life. To deal with the fact that you were sooooooooo very wrong and now you can never trust yourself again.
I have lost all faith in myself and I cannot trust any decision I make anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Now I know what song really suits me at this point:
Sometimes I feel
I’ve got to run away
I’ve got to get away
From the pain
You drove into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I’ve lost my light
For I toss and turn
I can’t sleep at night
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
Give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears
And thats not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Now I know I’ve got to run away
I’ve got to get away
You don’t really want anymore from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you think love is to pray
But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
Give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears
And thats not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
But I’m going to pack my things and go
Tainted love (Oh)
Tainted love (Tainted love)
Tainted love (Tainted love)
Tainted love
Tainted love!
Baby, baby
Baby, don’t leave me
Ooh, please don’t leave me
All by myself
I’ve got this burning
Yearning, yearning
Feeling deep inside me
Ooh, deep inside me
And it hurts so bad
You came into my heart so tenderly
With a burning love that stings like a bee
And now that I surrender
So helplessly
You will not want to leave
Ooh, you want to leave me
Baby, baby
Where did our love go?
Ooh don’t you want me?
Don’t you want me no more?…
