Mac Mini Madness
Worked the entire weekend. Semi-tired. I guess I have mileage before I burn out. Have been getting quotations for my next “pimp my home pc” time:
That’s right boys and girls…I’m going for a Mac mini!!!! More laters….
Feng Shwe-ta
Ok, since you insisted….there’s a link for every post I’ve mentioned you in….you narcissist :p
Blast From The Past…
Long busy week. A new co-worker joined. My initial reaction was wtf?! But as time passed, he’s cool. Have a longer weekend ahead.
And guess who I saw at ARN today? Xex. After so many months, I saw him again. My first reaction was omg. And then a “daaayyyuummmmmm! Why can’t I look less hassled and more like the smart young professional?”. Anyway, it was kinda nice seeing him again after so long. He’s working in the same building a few floors above. He seemed well and healthy. And happy. Good, I guess.
It did bring back a few memories, but surprisingly, they were memories of Jaggu. I don’t know. I don’t feel anything. I feel a little something, but I don’t know how to place it. I guess reflective.
PS: Here’s a song that’s been in my head since yesterday. Nothing significant in the words, but I like it…and the words are nice:
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
[Chorus]
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
[Chorus]
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
[Chorus]
Trigger…
It’s been a while. Yea, I know…I miss y’all too.
Work alternates between extremely busy to extremely quiet. Today was an eventful day. Besides the fact that Mondays are Ceroc/Swing day, I accompanied Shwets/Hemang on the morning show. And the question of the morning was “If your life was a movie, what would be the title?”. Well, guess who answered?
That’s right. Jaggu. I heard his voice after two months. And his answer was “Around a girl in 80 ways”. I can’t pinpoint what hit me so hard, but the trigger was Hemang coming and hugging me. Then I lost it and I couldn’t stop my dam from bursting.
Is it possible to miss someone but not want him back? Or to be totally put off by men and relationships and chose to remain single, yet miss the comfort he once gave me? Perhaps work and my own plans are keeping me busy, but I have realised a change in me, whether it be a good or bad thing. I now think twice before getting involved in even a fling. I had opportunities, but I never took them. I just couldn’t anymore. I don’t see the point anymore, nor do I want to ever feel the pain I feel right now.
Yea, what a ray of sunshine I am……
Happy Butt-Day Jaggu….
Today is you-know-who’s butt-day. Happy Butt-day. I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to feel or what I’m supposed to do.
I guess I feel mellow. Wistful in the memories of intimate times. Perhaps longing for that feeling of tenderness and compassion – of feeling safe and loved. I know I don’t want him back and I wonder if I’ll ever reach a point of whether I can forget.
According to most people (esp. the male friends), he never did anything for which I should forgive him for. So I have no reason to say “I’ll never forgive him”. Hence, I’m not sure if I’ll ever forget the cruel lesson he taught me.
Another event that happened recently, one which I don’t want to talk about, left me feeling very disappointed. Hence, my initial resolution was right. I should just not bother with men anymore. Perhaps I’m not meant to be compatible with anyone. Or even if it were, perhaps not committed. People can say all they want about me talking nonsense or that “there is going to be someone”. And to that I say – bullshit.
Can’t…
I feel funny. Even though I got my much-needed basic shoes and a new hairdo (which is totally cool), I feel….blank. Empty. Wondering if there is more to life beyond work. Whether my work is my only companion. I enjoy my work, but I’m beginning to feel those pangs of loneliness. The need to be with someone. Yet, I can’t. I have something stopping me back. I can’t go through all of that again. I can’t.
Spoiled?
Haven’t blogged in a while…ok, maybe not sooo long but I’ve been a little busy. I’ve been having a a closet cleaning spree and now in desperate need of shoes and a pair of black pants.
And also noted that I seem to have more lingerie than all of the other types of clothes together. I have no idea how that happened…well, I possibly may know how. I realized that I have a lingerie-fetish and I keep picking up all sorts of new inner wears. So since I have enough to satisfy the kinkiest of people, I should probably steer clear away from all lingerie departments and shops.
Offered K a ride to work today. Had an interesting ride to work (teehee).
A thing I noticed today was how desis coming from Desiland have a ‘reverse-snobbery’ going on with desis who are born and brought up in Dubai. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone since I’ve come across loads of fobs (not in the bad sense, but to make life easier in this post I refer to desis from Desiland as fobs) who seem to have this “I’m tougher than you because I’ve seen it all back home” attitude. I’m sure my SMCHS buddies who went to KMC experienced it and know what I’m talking about.
But just to clarify some things, yes, life is harder back in Desiland. People tend to grow more responsible and independent faster back there. But that doesn’t mean that just because we’ve had our material comforts that we’re spoiled or that we don’t want to be responsible. Or for that matter don’t have the capacity to be matured and responsible. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I have my family with me here. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be independent nor am I a sissy for deciding to save my money by staying with my folks or having the option of having food at home and have my laundry done. If needed be, I can very well cook and do my laundry and live alone. But while I still have my family with me, what’s wrong with being with them? That doesn’t make me any less of a mature or responsible person.
I frankly think that if pushed in a corner or God forbid should I have to be on my own and live in absolute poverty, I would try to make the most of it. Not that I’d want to be in that position nor wish anyone that life, but if given no choice would make the most of it rather than act like a diva. I stayed with Jaggu in his sauna and being pretty broke. And not once did I complain. Even if I was stuck with him in that scenario, I would still not complain, although I’d probably start cleaning his place :p
Anyway, going off tangent, I just want to say is don’t assume that Dubai-ites are spoiled brats.
Back to closet cleaning….
Squeeze…
Not much cribbing in this post. Sorry to disappoint all those were actually interested in reading my daily rants. But I feel like I accomplished quite a bit today.
First on my agenda was to create a bank account which allowed me to have a debit card. That long process being done, I now have the coolest bank deal – endorsement on a later date.
The second was to encash my Shoof prize money and buy my needed essentials. Finally bought my pair of shades at an amazing AED29 at H&M. They look aviator-esque and suit my face shape. Then bought a ’splurge’ item – a top at Splash. But you will not believe the size I bought it in.
To back up, Splash and I never had a good relationship. Everything in that store had sizes smaller than those usually found at Max. So if I was lucky enough, I may just manage to squeeze myself into a Splash size 18. That was on rare occasions. And the last time I tried any clothes was a month back and that too I was bordering 18/20.
Knowing that, I naturally picked up the top I like in the biggest size available – 18. Expecting it to be tight around my boobs, I cringed in reflex. But surprise surprise – it not only fit, it was loose! So I tried a 16 – better fit. Out of a self-dare, I went for a 14. Expecting it to get stuck around my chest again, my hopes were low. But today was my lucky day. It was a bit snug around my boobs, but it still fit me. I was overjoyed and thought I’d try a size 12 but then thought it better not to stretch my luck.
My weight on the scale hasn’t changed but clothes have become looser on me. I don’t know what I’ve done to lose weight – I haven’t gone on a diet nor had time to exercise. Maybe it’s the adrenaline of working in a job I can understand. Or maybe all that anger I have for Jaggu and guys in general that burns up the fat. Whatever it is, it makes me happier knowing I’m losing weight and motivates me to lose more 
A Prick…
SALIK has begun and so far the reactions are mixed. So far things have been peachy for me and I have no complaints – except I’m hardly using the SALIK route nor going through downtown Dubai.
However, I’m near Maktoum Bridge at the moment and rather than getting stuck in the traffic, I’m chilling with Shwets at DRN. Sipped on tea, cracked some corny jokes, irritated the hell out of Shwets (so what else is new?) and checking mail. Now here comes the hitch.
While going through a networking site, one which had Jaggu too, I noticed he started scrapping other females. One female in particular. Yea, yea, I can hear my friends screaming “So what!?”, but it does burn a little. I bet she’s really a spambot or a fat, ugly whore. They both can go to hell!!! Here I am trying to get over it, while he’s as cool as a cucumber and moving on. It pricks. And stings.
I know I don’t want him back. I don’t. But it still hurts like a bitch. Damn him. Damn him damn him damn him!!!! Came across Kelly’s new album and I really like it. Here’s a snippet of her new single and lyrics (pay attention to the highlighted bits – those are for Jaggu):
I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green
I hope when you’re in bed with her you think of me
I would never wish bad things, but I don’t wish you well
Could you tell by the flames that burned your words
I never read your letter
Cause I knew what you’d say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try to make it all okay
Does it hurt to know ill never be there
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
Don’t say you simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again
If she really knows the truth she deserves you
A trophy wife – Oh how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes
And he’s through with you
And he’ll be through with you
You’ll die together but alone
You wrote me in a letter
You couldn’t say it right to my face
Give me that Sunday school answer
Repent your self away
Does it hurt to know ill never be there
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
Don’t say you simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
Never again
Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!
Does it hurt to know ill never be there
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
Don’t say you simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
I Never Will
I never will
Never again
